I think it might just be me...

Ah, wait, I'm warning you now, if you don't like long, pointless rants on crappy Internet providers who cannot tell the difference between a shoe and a modem, please, don't read on. I'm warning you now so you can, without trouble, click out of this link. But, by all means, if you enjoy hearing about the troubles that AOL gives me (if you're a sadist, I'm going to highly recommend this), please, stay around, grab a cup of tea, and sit back. I'm not sure how long this one is going to be...

Well, I know a few members have heard of my AOL rants, including, but not limited to: lemonjelly_ </b> and binxtoast </b></span>. I know there are a lot of other people who have heard of my AOL rants, but, these two, bless them, have put up with it. </span>

*cracks knuckles* Now, where do I begin...?

I'll start off with a comparison: AOL to me is like a jail cell to an innocent man. But this is no ordinary jail cell. No, this jail, as hihoplastic </b> brilliantly describe it as "all PMS-like", and, trust me, most women aren't friendly when they get theirs. (I, on the other hand, for some strange reason, happen to be abnormally nice. I guess that makes up for me being a "meanie" to my sister during the rest of the month. But anyway...) </span>

And I'm the innocent man (woman) because I don't deserve this kind of punishment. It's cruel, inhumane, and just pure immorality.

Now, AOL alone is like this. It freezes; it send the most benign e-mails to your spam folder; it acts as though paying twenty-three dollars and something cents a month isn't enough to even have it be temperamental, and, until it is paid more and treated with more respect that it deserves, it will continue to be temperamental. But it doesn't really matter because being temperamental for twenty-three dollars a month is what AOL considers "being nice". Now, if we were to pay more, it would continue to be moody, but, it would be so much worse. Why you say? Because, if we are willing to pay more to it, it obviously thinks we love it, when in fact we don't; we just want to get it to let us use our Internet without trouble, but, because AOL's inflated ego, it thinks that, by paying it more, we are really saying that we don't mind its moodiness and would be willing to pay for it. Now that, my friends/random people reading this page/others is what I call Twisted Logic. (Disclaimer: Title's owned by Coldplay, but, I highly doubt Chris Martin will click on the link to my journal. But, anyway,  I love writing disclaimers and letting those future lawsuits slip off like a sexy little black dress... )

Okay, now I'm thinking of Huddy goodness. So good, so good... :)

All better. Ah, so, as I was saying, in detail, mind you, AOL has Twisted Logic, and therefore, no matter how hard one may try to fix this logic, it will always be as twisted as a pretzel made by a strand of DNA. (Nice comparison, eh?)

Now, add that Twisted Logic to parental controls and you have, my people, created a monster. And this is the monster I must deal with almost daily. E-mails sent to me bounce and bounce; benign websites are blocked, yet, stupid and extremely stupid people can IM me; I have to ask permission to get on these benign sites and pray that is approved. Heck, I have at least fifteen people to vouch for me, if not more. They know that AOL stinks because...

• They have it themselves.
• They have tried to send me e-mails.
• They have tried to send me photos.
• And so on.

So, on a final note (you can take the headphones off now), AOL, as a whole, stinks like a pair of gym socks dipped in skunk spray, fed and excreted by a rabid dog, and thrown into a dumpster by a bum on Fifth Avenue.

As you can tell, I hate it.

Now back to what I wanted to say...

Well, last night, I left this long-- and, in my opinion, helpful-- review to this author on fanfiction.net. I'm going to post it here for a few reasons...

• Because I'm proud of it
• Because I want to
• Because I worked on it for at least an hour

And there are a few others, but I can't remember them.